"Am I failing as a parent?"
“Am I Failing as a Parent?” What anxiety and perfectionism might actually be trying to tell you
Have you ever found yourself wondering:
Am I doing this right?
Am I messing up my child?
Am I enough?
You’re not alone. So many parents we work with describe this tender place as overwhelming, exhausting, and lonely. It can feel like no matter what you do, it’s not enough—and the unknown is just too much to sit with.
But what if this isn’t a sign that something’s wrong… what if it’s a sign that something important is happening?
When “Am I okay?” shows up in parenting
In Synergetic Play Therapy, we talk about something called the “Am I okay?” phase—a concept adapted from therapist and teacher Duey Freeman, who identified three core emotional questions we all ask throughout our lives:
✅ Am I safe? ✅ Am I loved? ✅ Am I okay?
These questions aren’t just for kids. They come up again and again, especially during stressful or vulnerable seasons—like parenting.
When you’re in the “Am I okay?” phase, it might sound like:
“Why can’t I figure this out?”
“What if I’m doing more harm than good?”
“Why does this feel so hard all the time?”
You might notice:
Anxiety and self-doubt
Perfectionism—trying to get it just right
Endless searching for answers—because the unknown feels unbearable
And while it might feel like failure, this phase is actually a sign of growth. It means you care. It means you’re present. And it means your nervous system is doing its best to protect you and your child.
Your child is wondering the same thing
Here’s the beautiful (and sometimes painful) part: the same questions you’re asking—your child is too.
They’re wondering:
Am I okay when I have big feelings?
Am I okay if I’m not perfect?
Am I okay even when things are hard?
When we, as adults, begin to sit with these questions rather than run from them—we help our kids do the same.
In therapy, we call this co-regulation—your ability to stay connected even when things feel messy. It’s one of the most powerful gifts you can give your child.
What you can do right now
If you’re feeling stuck in the “Am I okay?” phase, here are a few things to try:
✨ Take a pause Put your hand on your heart. Breathe. Say to yourself: “This feels hard because I care. I don’t need to be perfect.”
✨ Say it out loud Modeling vulnerability can be powerful. Try: “I’m not sure yet, and that’s okay. We’ll figure it out together.”
✨ Prioritize connection over perfection What your child needs most isn’t a perfect parent—it’s a present one.
You’re not failing. You’re growing.
It’s okay to ask, Am I okay? It’s okay to feel unsure. And it’s okay to need support along the way.
We're here to help. Whether through play therapy for your child or parent coaching for you—we’re honored to walk alongside you.
💛 Ready to take the next step? Contact us if you're looking for support for you or your child.