Useful Tools for Parents to Navigate the Holidays
Ok parents, let's get real. The holidays can be hard. Here are some practical tips will help you navigate the chaos and create a more enjoyable holiday for everyone in the family.
1. Set Realistic Expectations
Holidays rarely go as planned. Expect more meltdowns, disrupted routines, and extra screen time. Embrace the chaos and remind yourself that it’s okay. For example:
Kids might nap in the car instead of in their beds.
There will probably be more TV time than usual.
Pro Tip: Roll with it. Flexibility is your best friend during the holidays.
2. Embrace “Both-And” Thinking
You can feel multiple emotions at the same time. Remind yourself (and your kids):
“I love my kids AND I’m frustrated right now.”
“I enjoy cooking for my family AND I’m feeling stressed and alone.”
Acknowledging both truths can help you process emotions more effectively.
3. Prepare Your Kids for What to Expect
Help your children feel more comfortable by walking them through the day’s events:
Talk about who will be there and what they’ll do.
Avoid overwhelming them with too many details.
Tip: Work with your kids to establish boundaries. For example, they can choose a fist bump instead of a hug to greet relatives. Create a signal they can use if they’re feeling overwhelmed.
4. Make Transitions Fun
Transitions are tough, especially in overstimulating environments. Keep it playful:
Act like a robot or use a silly voice.
Pretend you forgot how to put on shoes and need their help.
5. Incorporate Mindful Pauses
Take moments to reset and regulate—for both you and your kids:
Close your eyes and imagine a happy place for 30 seconds.
Take a short walk and focus on your senses (what you see, hear, smell, taste, and feel).
6. Teach Interoception During Meals
Holidays often involve overeating, making them a great opportunity to teach kids about interoception (awareness of internal body cues):
Use descriptive words to talk about how their body feels before, during, and after eating.
Check in with yourself and your child to promote self-awareness.
7. Responding to Comments on Your Parenting
Family gatherings can sometimes bring unsolicited advice or criticism. Here’s how to handle it:
Pause and regulate before responding.
Use phrases like:
“Thank you for your feedback. This is how we’re choosing to parent.”
“Thank you for your suggestion. [Child’s name]’s therapist and I are working on meeting their individual needs.”
“I’ve decided to do this. I know you may not agree, but I need your [support, encouragement, or understanding].”
Practice these responses ahead of time to feel more confident in the moment.
8. Navigating Criticism from Family Members
If relatives are critical or judgmental, try these approaches:
Educate: Explain that kids often express emotions physically (meltdowns, tantrums) because they lack the cognitive skills to articulate their feelings.
Set Boundaries: Say, “We’re working on this with [child’s name]’s therapist. We’ve chosen a different approach to discipline, focusing on regulation rather than punitive measures.”
Reassure Grandparents: Sometimes grandparents may feel your parenting choices reflect negatively on their own. Reassure them:
“The fact that we’re doing things differently isn’t a criticism of how you parented me.”
Present a United Front: Ensure both parents are aligned and support each other when addressing concerns or criticisms.
Final Thoughts
The holidays are about connection, not perfection. By setting realistic expectations, embracing emotions, and prioritizing communication and playfulness, you can create a more enjoyable and memorable holiday experience for your family.
Take a deep breath, embrace the imperfections! Remember: Progress, not perfection.
- Lindsey Boland, LCSW