How to Help Kids with Anxiety: Tools That Actually Work
What Is Anxiety Really?
Anxiety isn’t just a set of thoughts—it’s a full-body experience. From a Synergetic Play Therapy™ perspective and through the lens of Dr. Dan Siegel’s neuroscience research, anxiety is often the nervous system’s way of saying, “I don’t feel safe.”
And here’s the kicker: the part of the brain responsible for logic and reasoning (the “upstairs brain”) goes offline during anxious moments. So if your child isn’t listening, can’t stop crying, or lashes out, it’s not defiance—it’s dysregulation.
That means helping an anxious child doesn’t start with fixing the problem. It starts with helping their body feel safe again.
Signs of Anxiety in Children
Anxiety doesn’t always look like worry. Here are some signs that may surprise you:
Avoidance (school refusal, bathroom issues, avoiding social settings)
Perfectionism or meltdowns over mistakes
Sleep difficulties or nightmares
Complaints of stomachaches or headaches
Anger outbursts or irritability
Constant need for reassurance
Difficulty transitioning or trying new things
What You Can Do to Help an Anxious Child
You can’t talk a child out of anxiety—but you can help them move through it. Here are some regulation-based strategies that actually work:
1. Start with Co-Regulation
When your child’s anxiety flares, your nervous system becomes their guide. Speak slowly. Breathe deeply. Lower your voice and your body posture. Say less.
✔️ “I’m right here with you.” ✔️ “You’re safe. We’ll get through this together.”
2. Name It to Tame It
As Dr. Siegel explains, naming emotions helps integrate the brain. Once your child starts to settle, you might say:
✔️ “This feels like worry, huh?” ✔️ “Your tummy hurting might be your anxiety talking.”
This reduces shame and builds emotional awareness.
3. Use Sensory Tools to Anchor the Body
Anxiety lives in the body. Sensory input helps bring children back into the present moment—out of future worries or past overwhelm.
You can try:
A warm weighted stuffed animal
A cool drink or crunchy snack
Slow movement like rocking or swinging
Sensory fidgets or lavender lotion
These help the body experience a felt sense of safety.
4. Simple Grounding Games to Bring Kids Back to the Present
These playful activities gently shift your child out of the “anxiety brain” and into the here-and-now:
I Spy Play a simple I Spy game to engage their visual system and attention.
Find 5 Things That Are… Choose a color and ask your child to find five things around the room that match it.
Go Get 3 Things Ask your child to find three objects that are:
Smooth
Heavy
Cold or warm
Guess That Smell Use safe household items like fruit, leftovers, essential oils, lotion, or soap. Have your child smell and guess what it is.
These activities work because they engage the senses and orient the nervous system to the present moment—where safety can be felt.
5. Create Predictability
Routines and visuals reduce uncertainty. Picture schedules, countdowns, or social stories can help children know what’s coming next.
✔️ “First we’ll eat dinner, then brush teeth, then story time.”
6. Practice Regulation When Calm
Regulation skills are built outside the anxious moment. Try:
Belly breathing games
Yoga cards or stretching
Emotion charades
Practicing how to ask for help
The more your child practices feeling emotions with you, the stronger their nervous system becomes.
When to Get Extra Support
If anxiety is interfering with daily life—school, sleep, friendships, or play—it may be time to bring in extra support.
At Play Therapy Connection, we help children process anxiety and build regulation through:
Synergetic Play Therapy™
Parent coaching
Trauma-informed approaches including EMDR and somatic work
Anxiety Is Hard, But It’s Not Forever
Anxious children aren’t broken. They’re overwhelmed. And with connection, support, and the right tools, they can move from fear to confidence—one regulated moment at a time.
💛 You’re doing a great job. And we’re here whenever you need support.